did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm like, not good at living.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
