I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
