he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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