I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
