I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
