Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
