Only a mothe r could love this liver
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
