then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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