Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
