dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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