My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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