i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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