New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
they're like a gay fantastic four
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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