rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just pee around me
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
