I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
