my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
