Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
