I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
