I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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