Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
