Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
