hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
