I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
