My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
