Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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