I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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