How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
