You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
