awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
