no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Drunk is not a location!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
