i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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