Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
