So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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