oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
