pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
