This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
