Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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