she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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