i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
