I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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