girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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