I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
