When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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