Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
