from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
