i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
