I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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