so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
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