girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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