You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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