I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
