I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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