Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
