The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Boobs are out for the taking
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
